Funnies

STRATEGIC THINKING

Submitted: 2011-06-29 10:09:14

Source: Dirk van Niekerk

Rajpat (father): "I want you to marry a girl of my choice".

Son: "I will choose my own bride!!!"

Rajpat: "But the girl is the daughter of Bill Gates".

Son: "Well, in that case...OK".

Rajpat then approaches Bill Gates.

Rajpat: "I have a husband for your daughter".

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Rajpat: "But this young man is a Vice-President of the World Bank".

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...OK".

Finally Rajpat goes to see the President of the World Bank.

Rajpat: "I have a young man to be recommended as a Vice-President."

President: "But I already have more Vice-Presidents than I need!"

Rajpat: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law".

President: "Ah, in that case...OK".

2 Jokes for the price of 1

Submitted: 2011-06-29 10:08:37

Source: Phillip Gohl

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks". The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks". The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks". The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

Emma the blond replies to the joke: so what kind of tracks were they????

Blind justice

Submitted: 2011-06-29 10:08:08

Source:

A Johannersburg man is forced to take a day off from work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons. He grows increasingly restless as he waits hour after hour for his case to be heard.

When his name is called late in the afternoon, he stands before the judge, only to hear that court will be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he will have to return the next day.

"What for?" he snaps at the judge. The judge, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roars: "R200 for contempt of court. That's what for!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relents: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The young man replies: "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

Power of prayer

Submitted: 2011-06-29 10:07:31

Source: Johan Brink

In a small town, a person decided to open up a brothel, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the brothel from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progresse. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning bolt struck the brothel and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the brothel owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the detruction of his brothel, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In tis reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were the reasons for the act of God. As the case madeits way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a brothel owner who firmly believes in the power of prayer and an entire church that doesn't."

Some Math + Logic

Submitted: 2011-06-29 10:06:59

Source: Mauricio Jemal

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here is a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

if: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+21+5+4+7+5=96%

BUT,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%

AND

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20=103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7=118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.